Welcome to Heart Glow CEO, where high-performing leaders learn to regulate stress, strengthen self-trust, and make clear decisions without sacrificing their health or values. I'm Kc Rossi, Integrative Leadership Coach. Expect practical nervous system tools, conscious leadership insights, and real conversations that bring achievement into alignment.
Take a deep breath with me, and let's dive in. Hey friend, thank you so much for tuning in. Today I wanted to talk about frustration.
Have you ever reached that point where you think, I really don't know what else to do here? You've been showing up, you've been trying to make good decisions, you've adjusted things, given something more time, maybe even tried a different approach, and yet you keep ending up in what feels like the same place. It's frustrating. There's almost a Groundhog Day quality to it.
You wake up determined to approach things differently, and before long, there you are again, pushing against the same wall. I want to talk about that today because frustration can be a really important moment in leadership. Not because frustration itself is something we need to fix or rise above.
Sometimes frustration is information. I want you to think about that for a second. The problem is many of us don't stop there, especially if you care deeply about what you do.
You want to serve well, you're responsible, you have high standards of yourself, and then when something isn't working, it can be very easy to turn inward and think, maybe I need to try harder. Maybe I need to be more disciplined. Maybe I need to figure out what I'm doing wrong.
Can you relate to any of this? I know that I've fallen into that, and before you know it, something that started out as a business problem or a leadership problem or simply a difficult season has become a conversation about your worth. Oh, that's the piece I really want us to notice. Something not working does not automatically mean there is something wrong with you.
Take that in. It may simply mean that what you're doing is no longer creating the result you need. That sounds obvious when I say it out loud.
It's much harder to remember when you're living it. Because here's the thing, and I think you're going to be able to nod on this one, perfectionism loves frustration. People-pleasing loves frustration.
Those old patterns know exactly what to do with lack of results. Guess what it is. They say, do more.
Try again. Make it better. Give a little more.
Hang in there just a little longer. And there are certainly times when persistence is exactly what leadership requires. In fact, I've been a longtime entrepreneur.
I started my first corporation at the age of 19. So I am no stranger to perseverance. But persistence and force can look remarkably similar from the outside.
Inside they feel very different. Persistence still has some openness to it. You can learn, adjust.
You're paying attention to what's happening. So I like to look at persistence as if I'm curious. There is a willingness to be open, to have a bigger perspective.
It's more wide, or wider if you will. Where force tends to narrow everything. Force, you become so focused on making something work that you often lose your ability to see that that situation may actually be having a message to tell you.
And if you're there right now, I don't think you necessarily need another strategy first. That's so important. Because that people-pleasing perfectionist often wants, just give me the how.
Just let's rush to the solution and get on with things. I think you may need to get out of the struggle long enough to hear yourself again. So here's something really simple you can try.
Before you problem solve, just pause. Feel your feet on the ground. Relax your shoulders if you can.
Take a slower breath. I was talking with someone today and she was saying that she loves when someone gives her the invitation to relax the tiny muscles around her eyes. And I thought that that was just such a beautiful reflection point that beyond just slowing down and breathing, like when I practice it, I have to really tune in.
Oh wow, yeah, what would it feel like to relax all those tiny little muscles around my eyes? This simple practice isn't because breathing magically solves the problem. It doesn't. But it can create a little space between the frustration you're feeling and the decision you're about to make.
And then from that space, you can ask yourself, what am I trying to force right now? What am I trying to force right now? And don't rush past. Maybe you're trying to force timing. Or maybe you're trying to get someone to understand something they're not ready to understand.
That's a big one for me because for whatever reason, my system sees common sense so clearly. So I often push like, why don't they get it? It's just like right there, right? Maybe you've been attached to one particular way and opportunity, relationship, team or project or business strategy is supposed to work. Sometimes we put so much energy into getting the outcome we want that we stop noticing what's actually happening.
What's going on? Let's zoom out a little bit so you can feel that difference. Like when I think of forcing, there's a restriction. I can even feel my throat closing a little bit.
There's a tension, right? There's a clenching. Maybe you clench your hands. Maybe you clench your jaw.
You can, once you start to tune in, oh, there I go again. I am forcing. My hands are tight.
My fists are tight. The next question goes a little deeper. What am I making this mean about me? This is where frustration and self-worth can become tangled up together.
Maybe a proposal doesn't get accepted and suddenly the story is, I'm not good enough. Or even worse, you start comparing to whose proposal got accepted and it's like, what do they have that I don't have? Or someone doesn't respond the way that you had hoped. Or maybe you get no response at all and now you really start spinning out and making up stories.
Or if your business is going through a slower season and then your mind starts collecting all the evidence that you're a failure, that you should have been proactive, that you should be further ahead. If you're a part of a team, maybe your team keeps struggling with the same issue and you begin questioning whether you're a good leader or if anyone is even listening to your direction. I want you to notice the difference between what happened and what you decided it meant.
Think about that for a minute. That little bit of separation is almost always very powerful because when we make decisions from the wounded self-worth, we tend to over-correct. I cannot tell you how many projects that I made more complicated because of this, because of over-correcting, because of digging my heels deeper into the ground because if I just worked a little harder, gave a little more, thought outside the box more, which here's the interesting thing.
I once had a coach tell me that our greatest asset can easily become our greatest assache. Whoa. My mind was blown.
Say, for example, a great asset can be attention to detail. But when there's this vice of excessiveness and that people-pleasing perfectionist gremlin comes out, that same beautiful asset of being attentive to detail or even having high standards, fill in the blank, can easily turn around to overworking, giving more, chasing outcomes, and saying yes to please. So you may also become so discouraged that you stop moving altogether.
You freeze or take no action at all. So neither one of these scenarios gives us the clarity that we're looking for. After you've separated what is actually happening from what you're making it mean, there's one more question.
What would be different if I stopped trying to make the old solution work? I like this question because it doesn't demand that you know the whole answer. You've heard me talk about this before. Oftentimes, we don't need a five-year plan.
We need the next right move. Now, maybe it's you stop sending the same kind of message and have a real conversation. Oftentimes, I'll tell leaders, like, hey, if you're frustrated with communication, what communication channel are you using? Are you not getting responses from email? Like, maybe try something else.
So sometimes just even shifting the communication channel can help. It's usually a very simple next step. Or maybe you let go of something that's been draining more energy than it deserves.
Or you experiment. You kind of go back to that curious detective rather than committing. And I think sometimes the biggest one is maybe you rest before deciding.
I often encounter many leaders that have such a huge to-do list and inbox that that seems preposterous to rest before deciding. You may even be like, yeah, that sounds great, but I don't have the time. So I really want you to expand your horizon.
Or maybe you discover that you actually do want to stay the course, but now you're choosing that from a conscious place instead of white-knuckling your way through it. Can you feel the difference? Because that distinction matters. Is it persistence or is it forcing? Do I feel expanded, excited, and energized, or do I feel contracted and, like, really crappy about myself? There's another part of this that I think is especially important for my big hearted, mission-driven leaders.
Caring deeply can make letting go difficult. I know especially in the service-oriented, people-focused industries, this one's huge. When something matters to us, when people matter to us, we can start believing that devotion means continuing to pour ourselves into it.
But you can care deeply about something and still decide that your approach needs to change. You can believe in the mission without being loyal to every method you've ever used to serve it. And because times are changing, I'm sure you can agree.
It is almost like rapid fire out there. The minute we think we have a plan, it's almost like we're trying to squeeze sand. It's just going right through our fingertips.
That's not failure, actually. Calling it out is leadership. Sometimes the most self-respecting thing you can do is stop asking, how much harder can I try? And start asking, what is actually being asked of me now? Because if you keep arriving at the same wall, eventually it's worth becoming curious about the wall instead of simply backing up and running at it harder.
Oh my gosh, I can feel this. I feel that. I feel the weight of that visual.
So if something feels particularly sticky in your leadership, business, or life right now, just give yourself a few minutes with these questions. I'm going to say them again. They're also going to be in the transcript.
And so when you're not driving or chopping veggies for your dinner and you're not multitasking, I really think there's something very powerful, and science actually backs this up, this kinesthetic connection of journaling. And I really, if you're in this place of frustration, when trying harder is not working, and you actually still have to show up and lead, but now you're leading through frustration, I invite you to just take a minute, take a half an hour, and sit with yourself with these three questions. What am I trying to force? What am I making this situation mean about me? And number three, what might become possible if I stop trying to make the old solution work and then listen? Not for the perfect answer, just for radical honesty to bubble up.
Because inside, you already have all the answers. You have everything that you're seeking, and a beautiful quote, I actually think it's Rumi that says, like, what you seek is seeking you. I love that.
You can be deeply committed to your work without using struggle as proof of your commitment, and you don't have to earn your worth by exhausting yourself against something that isn't moving. Sometimes leadership is perseverance. And sometimes leadership is having enough self-trust to recognize when it's time to meet the moment differently.
And I think said another way, it's to meet yourself differently. It's to come back to the truth that there is nothing broken. You're not broken.
It could just be that we have to shift 2%. That's it. Just shift a little bit, maybe a micro shift in our mindset, which is connected to our actions.
We will then start to feel this openness, this expansiveness, instead of pushing and forcing and trying harder. And that might be exactly where your next bit of movement begins, is just that willingness, the willingness to let go, to loosen your grip, to become curious like a detective, to even wonder, like, what would it be like to lead with ease and flow? Is that even possible? I believe that it is, and I believe that our thoughts are so powerful, and a belief is just a thought that we keep thinking. So if we are the master of our own reality, let's change that initial thought, the initial thought that it is possible to lead through flow versus leading through frustration, and allow our whole system, allow our reticular activating system, that's kind of our little filtration process, to connect the dots for us.
Let it be the target that we program where it's like, you know what? I'm going to lead through self-trust. I am going to be open to pivoting. I am going to be willing to let go of frustration, people-pleasing, and perfectionism.
And then we get to start leading from a new paradigm, one that we get to weave with golden threads, not these chains of iron. I have my hand raised for this. I think that we are truly powerful creators.
We just have to step into that truth. I'd love to know your thoughts on this, whether you send me a DM on social or you leave your thoughts at www.lovethepodcast.com/brilliance. Your voice matters, your thoughts matter, and I would love this to be really a two-sided conversation instead of just me speaking at you.
I hope that these thoughts have stimulated something, have shifted a little bit of something, have cleared that etch-a-sketch so you can feel refreshed. And that's my hope. I thank you so much for your time and listening.
And until next week, breathe joy.
